Seventeenth.

Today my ramblings will be philosophical and just plain boring. Writing a diary seems silly (no offence!) and so does just sitting and thinking.. or that is more depressing than silly. And yes, writing in my blog for the world to see may not be the best option but it is the lesser evil per say. The point of the start is that if you have no interest in wierd and boring ramblings turn your backs now as you are still unaware.

It's 22.35 here in Kaunas, the day has been long and weary. It started at 6.30 and still has not ended. Physcis exam led to more worries about the future, just because honestly what part does Snell's law have in medicin? Maybe there is a part of which I don't fully understand right now but will in time but my life is still young and foolish. This foolishness has a entire baggage with it, one of the heavier things is the lazy and questioning part. "Why do we have to do this?", "I came to study medicin, not physics.", "Shit! I hate this why do I have to learn this." "Stupid, fucking, ramblingsIwillnotsaybecausetheyareveryexplicit". Yes this was my thought trail for this entire time of physics. It's not because I get bad marks, on the contrary my marks were high on the labreports and the tests and the final result of the chapters. The exam will be seen tomorrow. So, it's not a question of not getting it but rather just a question. Why do I have to learn physcis for medicin? Basic. Simple. Ordinary. Yet, this brings everyone to a stand still. Students ask and teachers cannot answer. Well fuck, there goes my future and current teachers and  they can't even answer this. Something like that.
Foolishness is something we all possess, but we get better at hiding it over time, in my eyes it's not wisdom. It's skill. Abilities that one perfects during a lifetime, more specifically lies. No matter how much people deny it, they all possess it and use it for their own personal gain. Somewhere along the way people get the silly notion of a competion being in place. A competition in life, who is the more successful one? The most humble one? The most graceful? Rich? Hot? Ugly? Nice? Horrible? There is an infinite amount of words and emotions one could use and apply in this situation. Go to a reunion and people judge and compare because they can and need to see if they have succeded in beating the others. By lying and hiding their own foolishness they bring out a side in themselves that subsitutes this for something achingly close to wisdom. Wisdom does not exist. If it did than people would use it to make right choices and not just settle for the lesser evil. All we need is time and we have this wisdom in our hands. This wisdom that does not exist, that is just an illusion of something we want... or more likely need. For those of you who know their Plato, recognize this but can also recognize the difference. Plato believed in the enlightend ones that were outcasts because the majority are so comforatble and scared that they don't want to see the real world, the world with the perfect forms. Basically we settle, settle for the shadows of the real thing. What I belive is that there is no perfect form of wisdom because there is no wisdom at all.

Now it's 22.52 and I'm not tired. I wonder how long this will be? Hopefully not too long, I may understand the reason for people to stop reading this post but I still want someone to finish it. Tomorrow I have to get up at 05-05.30 AM to get ready for the flight back home to Sweden. The flight will leave at 8.00 and I will reach Uppsala at noon, plus minus a few minutes due to the extreamly unreliable Swedish railways. I should go to bed, but even with my early rise and late night last night (02.00, I was watching a show and lost track of time dont judge!) I just cannot will myself to sleep. Maybe it's the bed or just everything that is going on. I don't know. Insomnia is something that I have had a problem with for a long time. It is not constant, more periodical, it comes and goes. This patch however has been here for three weeks, probably some adjustment  mechanism of my body. I mean it would only seem logical as I have yet not gotten any problems with being away from home, well besides the minor complaints I have.
Maria is out watching the Real Madrid game against some team in La Liga, I myself am a Barcelona fan but we still get along (she is my roomie), we set examples people! We can coexist. No end of the world yet... well we need to wait til December to know for sure but I hope not.. because that would mean that I have wasted my entire life on education and there is no way to get the experience that I am lacking, which would be a shame. 23.00 means eleven which means one hour til midnight which means five hours til I have to wake up. All in all six hours left to sleep. I should try. If it doesn't work then you will know about it in a Seventeenth 2.0 post, don't worry.

Good night, wish me luck, have fun in life.