Eighteenth 0.0

I honestly don't know what to write. I was going to write about my stay in Sweden but my thoughts are a mess and the things I write comes out looking like Solo and Chewie just went through the place searching for things to loot (Pre-hero days of course... maybe after we never found out). So, instead of an update here is a promise of an update sometime in the next couple of days, when my brain isn't suffering from the vacation-mash.

Have a good one!
-Headache, tired and somewhat relaxed.

Seventeenth.

Today my ramblings will be philosophical and just plain boring. Writing a diary seems silly (no offence!) and so does just sitting and thinking.. or that is more depressing than silly. And yes, writing in my blog for the world to see may not be the best option but it is the lesser evil per say. The point of the start is that if you have no interest in wierd and boring ramblings turn your backs now as you are still unaware.

It's 22.35 here in Kaunas, the day has been long and weary. It started at 6.30 and still has not ended. Physcis exam led to more worries about the future, just because honestly what part does Snell's law have in medicin? Maybe there is a part of which I don't fully understand right now but will in time but my life is still young and foolish. This foolishness has a entire baggage with it, one of the heavier things is the lazy and questioning part. "Why do we have to do this?", "I came to study medicin, not physics.", "Shit! I hate this why do I have to learn this." "Stupid, fucking, ramblingsIwillnotsaybecausetheyareveryexplicit". Yes this was my thought trail for this entire time of physics. It's not because I get bad marks, on the contrary my marks were high on the labreports and the tests and the final result of the chapters. The exam will be seen tomorrow. So, it's not a question of not getting it but rather just a question. Why do I have to learn physcis for medicin? Basic. Simple. Ordinary. Yet, this brings everyone to a stand still. Students ask and teachers cannot answer. Well fuck, there goes my future and current teachers and  they can't even answer this. Something like that.
Foolishness is something we all possess, but we get better at hiding it over time, in my eyes it's not wisdom. It's skill. Abilities that one perfects during a lifetime, more specifically lies. No matter how much people deny it, they all possess it and use it for their own personal gain. Somewhere along the way people get the silly notion of a competion being in place. A competition in life, who is the more successful one? The most humble one? The most graceful? Rich? Hot? Ugly? Nice? Horrible? There is an infinite amount of words and emotions one could use and apply in this situation. Go to a reunion and people judge and compare because they can and need to see if they have succeded in beating the others. By lying and hiding their own foolishness they bring out a side in themselves that subsitutes this for something achingly close to wisdom. Wisdom does not exist. If it did than people would use it to make right choices and not just settle for the lesser evil. All we need is time and we have this wisdom in our hands. This wisdom that does not exist, that is just an illusion of something we want... or more likely need. For those of you who know their Plato, recognize this but can also recognize the difference. Plato believed in the enlightend ones that were outcasts because the majority are so comforatble and scared that they don't want to see the real world, the world with the perfect forms. Basically we settle, settle for the shadows of the real thing. What I belive is that there is no perfect form of wisdom because there is no wisdom at all.

Now it's 22.52 and I'm not tired. I wonder how long this will be? Hopefully not too long, I may understand the reason for people to stop reading this post but I still want someone to finish it. Tomorrow I have to get up at 05-05.30 AM to get ready for the flight back home to Sweden. The flight will leave at 8.00 and I will reach Uppsala at noon, plus minus a few minutes due to the extreamly unreliable Swedish railways. I should go to bed, but even with my early rise and late night last night (02.00, I was watching a show and lost track of time dont judge!) I just cannot will myself to sleep. Maybe it's the bed or just everything that is going on. I don't know. Insomnia is something that I have had a problem with for a long time. It is not constant, more periodical, it comes and goes. This patch however has been here for three weeks, probably some adjustment  mechanism of my body. I mean it would only seem logical as I have yet not gotten any problems with being away from home, well besides the minor complaints I have.
Maria is out watching the Real Madrid game against some team in La Liga, I myself am a Barcelona fan but we still get along (she is my roomie), we set examples people! We can coexist. No end of the world yet... well we need to wait til December to know for sure but I hope not.. because that would mean that I have wasted my entire life on education and there is no way to get the experience that I am lacking, which would be a shame. 23.00 means eleven which means one hour til midnight which means five hours til I have to wake up. All in all six hours left to sleep. I should try. If it doesn't work then you will know about it in a Seventeenth 2.0 post, don't worry.

Good night, wish me luck, have fun in life.

Sixteenth 2.0

Also found a new series that has alot of potential. It's called Arrow and is about the Green Arrow. yes another superhero. What can I say, I love my superheros.

Not totally bad, as I said a hell of alot of potential! The thing is that I am so used to see Justin Hartley with his black specks as Green Arrow (courtesy of Smallville) but with time I will appreciate, in time, Stephen Amell as much as Justin if not more as this is a series that centers around him. Only time will tell, but I like what I have seen so far.   

Sixteenth.

There is a exam tomorrow. In Medical Physics. I should study, atleast read a bit. My motivation has not been at the top of it's game... nor has it made any slight apperance during this last week. I have tried, maybe not my hardest but I have tried. The expression involving trying-your-hardest-and-you-shall-recive thing has never made any impact on me. Can't really say why, maybe because I have lived a comfortable life so far or maybe it's because I feel comfortable in the area that i am trying. Either way it has something to do with comfort and either being spoiled or arrogant. Truth is, even though I don't try I still manage well above average, and this is not a boast or uptalking myself, just the plain truth. I am lucky.
Sidenote: Just pressed ctrl + s to save the post so far... shows how used to it I am does it not?
Luck may not have a big part in my life but in this case it is the best way to describe it. Previsouly I have said that har work is the core of life, luck is just something people use to... just something to use. The sad part of this is that even though I believe in it, I just can't apply it to my situations. The only part of my life that I know that i try my hardest is with my brothers. There is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for them. Nothing.
Hard work and life should go hand in hand but... just not in my case.
Medical physics, the last lab report was handed in today. In total: 12 labreports, 4 tests and one exam tomorrow. Fun life. Next week (or this friday) Parasitology is to be started, even harder according to the elder students, after that there is Anatomy which will fuck up your life. But that is next month so I don't have to worry right now. My worries should be about the exam but in reality I couldn't care less. My worries do however lie with what to bring to Sweden. In two days time I will see my home, friends, KEBAB (yes, kebab.), mom's food and my family. No one except my parents know that I am coming home, it will be a suprise, I am going to pick up one of my brother at the daycare and suprise the other when he comes home from his school. He is doing great. Which is why I have to reward him! So I got him David Beckhams Instinct perfume. Hope he likes it... probably will... he better.   
Last week I found Keaton Henson and his amazing voice with his amazing songs. They have that little extra that touches you. Many have that but not in the combination that he got. Voice, lyrics, visual MV's... everything. Charon, Small Hands, You Don't Know How Lucky You Are.. all of them.

Well I should atleast TRY to study, or pretend to study too feel good... Until next time,
-Not/worried and indifferant.

Fifteenth

For the first time in one and a half weeks I am doing... nothing. Absolutely nothing, or I was as I am now writing this post. This years Nobel Prize winner in Literature has been revealed and it is the Great Man Yo. I started reading him two years ago, in my top ten authors he ranks at a sold 3rd place. A great honour, Lewar's list of authors.... yeah not so much. My favorite book of his must be "Life and Death are Wearing Me Out" or in chinese "生死疲劳" now if this is wrong don't sue me, I copied it from wikipedia, heh. A great read, especially when you want to escape studying, just say/think: "Oh yeah, he just won the Nobel Prize I should read a book of his just to keep me updated about the happenings in the world.".... well if you haven't read him that is. But there is something that has been bugging me, Man Yo is my second runner up but the fact is that I was hoping and wishing that my first place would win this year. God (or whatever you believe in it is your right to choose)knows he deserves it! Haruki Murakami. For those of you who know me should or know this, I Love His Novels. I have this view on life that exaggeration is stupid, of course it sometimes it happens to me as well but I try hard to not do that (with Batman on the otherhand things can go overboard and voila you get two dramaqueens :$), which is why when I say Love I mean Love. Kafka on the Shore Dance Dance Dance, Norwegian wood, 1Q84, After Dark etc... All of them! There isn't a book of his which I have read that I have not loved. He is one of the main reasons for me wanting to learn japanese, so that I can read his original words (I know I know, it will take years for me to learn how to read fluently but I will still learn). No matter how good I think Man Yo is, Haruki Murakami is and will always be my first choice, because there is no other that have touched me with his/her story, charcters, style of writing, with a Book in short, like he has.
List of Authors By Lewar A:

1. Haruki Murakami
2. Terry Goodkind
3. Man Yo
4. Shakespeare
5. Charles Dickens
6. Jane Austen
7. Toni Morrison
8. George RR Martin
9. Nathaniel West
10. Thomas Mann

There you have it Hope You Enjoy the rest of the day, I know I will... Probably going to start on the third novel of 1Q84 as I now have time! 

-Reading

Fourteenth.

53 latin words, eight labreports, two tests. Last week and this week so far. Next week means, Latin test, Lithuanian test, another physics test as well as three additiona labreports. I hope this can explain why I haven't been able to update. Good news is that I booked my ticket back to Sweden for the 25th of October to the 27th, may not be much but still something as I desperatly need to see my family, friends and country again! Something that did not involve the plans was so unbelievable but still funny as hell after a while... this secret will stay between me and Dilan. On to other notes: THIS MAY BE THE SINGLE MOST FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER READ! THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN. After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat. I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types... Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't' have have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, took the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering arhhh ooooohhh that feels good ahhh Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status so to sum it up..... VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect! Hope this brings you as much pleasure as it did me, because if you are a girl/woman what ever you prefer you can understand the stupidity while condeming the stupidity of using wax the same day as the day you actually need it. Poor bloke probably still don't know what hit him. Have a good day. -fucked, tired and thoroughly amused.